Wednesday, July 21, 2010

by Dwight Schrute It's springtime and creepie crawlies are starting to emerge from all the cracks and crevices. I urge you not to kill them. Please bag them up and bring them to me at once. I need them for soil aeration and to pollinate my beet flowers. Your cooperation will be noted.

THANKS ERIN!
by Andy Bernard I'm sure everyone is already well aware, but one of the year's largest observances took place this week. No it wasn't Ferris Wheel Day, or Middle Name Pride Day, or Sneak Some Arugula onto your Neighbor's Porch Day. Those are all clearly awesomedary, but not as kickass as...Secretary's Day! That's right m'peeps, it's that time again when you step it up and drench your administrative professionals in gifts galore to show them how much you care. There are more than four million secretaries and administrative assistants in the U.S. right now. That's a ton o' typists to commend! And if your secretary is anything like Dunder Mifflin's secretary, you know that she or he is the most hardworking, beautiful, and special person worthy of the highest praise ever. On that note, I'd like to stand on the tallest desk in the office and shout into the vents so that it echoes throughout the entire office building for all to hear, THANK YOU SO MUCH ERIN HANNON! You have done an amazing job as DM's secretary this past year, and everybody knows it. You've got great posture, your bangs are always bouncy, your faxing skills are insane, and your smile is more winning than the Cornell Basketball program (well, almost). Keep up the good work and enjoy your time in the sun, Cinderella. You deserve it.

DARRYL'S REQUEST
by Darryl Philbin Will the person keeping a box of random insects by the bailer please pick them up and take them home? My warehouse isn't some halfway house for bugs. You have until the end of the day before I Raid their asses.

EARTH DAY
by Pam Beesly Andy asked if I would write up a tribute to Erin for Administrative Professionals Day. While I wholeheartedly support this very essential holiday (even though no one really recognized it when I was secretary...), I sort of feel like I should acknowledge Earth Day instead. It's a global holiday celebrated to bring awareness and appreciation for our environment. And I think we can all do our part, big and small, to help save the earth. For example, Jim and I are going to be permanently carpooling to work from now on. Michael - maybe you could cut down on all your finger painting and origami to save paper. Meredith - start recycling your beer bottles. Kevin - think about what you want before you open the refrigerator door to keep the cool in. Angela - maybe turn your floor heater down a few degrees. Think outside of the box, and reduce reuse and recycle everyone!

FASHION 411
by Kelly Kapoor Okay so today it was 61 degrees and partly cloudy, which means...time for mini skirts and camis you guys!!!!! I'm so excited to finally put my arm warmers and my faux mink coat away. Don't get me wrong, those things are totally yummy. But I'm so ready to switch them out for sheath dresses and studded tank tops. If I had to describe fashion this spring in two words, it would be: crazy beautiful. All the rules are seriously changing. Here's the basic lowdown:
Mixing stripes and floral prints is totally okay! I know - initially I was like, ew! What is happening?! But now I'm obsessive. It looks great, trust.
Pockets in dresses are here to stay. Yes it seems weird and like it would make your hips triple in size. But it actually makes your waist look smaller. And you can stuff your fave lip gloss or disposable toothbrush in there, so you'll never be caught unprepared if you bump into a male model or reality star who wants to make out with you.
Necklaces: the bigger the better. Think African tribe meets a second grader's arts and crafts project. So edgy.
Jean jackets are back, just like on Blossom. I never thought I would utter that sentence, but I am. Deal with it. *NOTE: Blossom hats are NOT, repeat NOT back in.
Shoulders are the new cleavage. Show a lot of them. Unless you have weird moles or sunspots or something. In that case just stick to classic cleavage.
Lastly, shoes are getting totally complicated (in a good way). The more hardware, buckles, straps, clasps, color, plastic, and leather the better. Not in a hooker-ish way, but definitely pushing the limits. Think Lady Gaga or Xtina. Have fun looking sexy in the sun! XOXO

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